Monday, December 05, 2005


Trouble in Paradise

No ... not me.

Not anyone near me as well. Not recently anyway.

But someone.

There is always someone who has trouble in paradise. Some of them have it more often than they should; some (the unfortunate ones) have a permanent residence in Hell.

So what constitutes as trouble in paradise?



Extra-marital affairs?

Falling out of love?

These are merely different manifestation of a same problem. Which basically is an adjustment period invoked as part of a long-term relationship. Its like a car going in for their maintenance every 5000 KM of ride.

It’s a time of reflection on our own actions and direction within our relationship.

It is a simple thing really, but it is as scary as Freddy Krueger visiting you in your dreams. Which is incidentally why when some of us are put into that situation they opt to run.

Yes, run.

Instead of dealing with the disparity found in those reflection, they argue that it’s the other party that is not doing their part. Or finding "unforgivable" faults on things that has been there since the beginning of the whole relationship.

Some run to other man or woman, seeking solace from a stranger rather than face the truth of the matter. The list goes on. But the motive is the same. Escaping from the truth with excuses.

When I was 2 years into my relationship with my love of life. We had trouble in paradise.

She was acting up on things that never bothered her before.

Complaining about things that did not even exits.

The constant bickering was straining our relationship.

I had a moment of weakness.

I wanted to bolt.

Fortunately there was enough good sense in me that made me stay and look at it properly. I had to know what was causing this. I had to know why I was dying inside.

So I sat and I started to plan for a romantic dinner to break the ice.

It was nothing fancy.

A cafe I found in a hidden away place by the city.

Quite and serene.

A gay couple maintained the place. One of the nicest people that I have met ever. Which later on we frequent very often. They have the best ever blueberry cheesecakes.

The day was set.

I picked her up and every thing went as planned.

And then it happened.

She just went into that bad mood thing and started to complain about the food and what not. I could not really remember the exact words but I do remember the exact feeling that I had then.


I excused myself in the middle of one of her rants and went to the toilet.

I cried. Then I had a silent shout. You know the kind where your brain is shouting like a berserker but your eyes are as cold as ice?

For 10 minutes I was inside a fit of rage that could level a city.

And then I calmed down.

I made a choice.

I will ask her one question and then I will make my next decision based on that.

So I went back to our table.

She was silent.

I sat down and with the calmest voice that I could muster, I asked her this.

"Do you want me to leave your life?"

She looks back at me with a stun stare.

"If you do, I will walk out right now and you will never see me again."

She is still silent.

"I can't handle this silent anger of yours any longer. I have no idea why you are behaving like this. I don't understand what I did to deserve this. I have done everything I know to get you to tell me but you don't say a thing."

Her head is bowed down. Still silent.

God I want an answer. If she stays quiet any longer, I will leave.

"Dear. I am here. Now in front of you. Talk to me. I am not psychic. I can't read your mind."

More silence.

I stood up, dropped the car key on the table and prepared to walk all the way home.

"Stop. Sit. Don't go." she said softly. Her eyes looking at me scared and confuse.

I stood there. Not sitting. Waiting.

"Please sit down. I am sorry."

I sat. This time it was me that was going to be quiet. I want to know what she is thinking.

"I don't know what’s wrong. I am not sure about anything anymore. I am afraid. Afraid of what might happen to us if we continue on. Whether or not you will leave me like the others do. I so afraid."

So I did the first thing that came to my mind.

I stood up and went to her.

I hug her tight.

"Silly girl. Why would I walk away from the best thing that have ever happen to my life."

"If I am ever to leave you, it would be because I was dead. Even then, I will come back and haunt you for the rest of your life"

"And I am sorry that I did not give you enough reason to think so. That will change. I promise"

It was a lovely night.

The moon was out.

And we made passionate love.

There will always be days where trouble spills into paradise.

So what are YOU going to do about it?

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