Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Walter Sobchak for Secretary of Defense

Originally uploaded by Grace Nearing.
Walter Sobchak -- he knows 'Nam, he knows Iraq

Walter: Sure you'll see some tank battles. But fighting in desert is very different from fighting in canopy jungle.
Dude: Uh-huh.
Walter: I mean 'Nam was a foot soldier's war whereas, uh, this thing should be a fucking cakewalk. I mean I had an M16, Jacko, not an Abrams fucking tank. Just me and Charlie, man, eyeball to eyeball.
Dude: Yeah.
Walter: That's fuckin' combat. The man in the black pyjamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary.
Walter: Whereas what we have here? A bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse in a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy adversary.

Walter Sobchak -- ever vigilant against terrorists, insurgents, pacifists, and, uh, nihilists

Walter: Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
Walter: Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.
Donny: They were Nazis, Dude?
Walter: Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration!
Dude: And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man.
Walter: You mean... beyond pacifism?

Walter Sobchak -- a man committed to military discipline and constitutional law

Walter: Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one who pays attention to the rules any more?
Waitress: Excuse me, sir. Could you please keep your voices down? This is a family restaurant.
Walter: Oh please, dear! For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint.

Walter Sobchak -- religious but ecumenical, a Polish Catholic turned observant Jew

Walter: I'm as Jewish as fuckin' Tevye!
Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday Walter?
Walter: I'm Shomer Shabbos.
Donny: What's that Walter?
Walter: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fuckin' ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit [shouts] don't fucking roll! Shomer shabbos!
Walter: Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax -- YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I LIVE IN THE PAST! I -- Jesus. What the hell happened?

Walter Sobchak -- a man who will personally sign condolence letters, attend funerals, and even give eulogies

Walter: Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. . . . He died -- he died as so many of his generation, before his time. In your wisdom you took him, Lord. As you took so many bright flowering young men, at Khe San and Lan Doc and Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And Donny too. Donny who... who loved bowling. . . . We commit your mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Goodnight, sweet prince.

Walter Sobchak -- a Secretary of Defense you could bowl a few frames with while enjoying a coupla beers!

1 comment:

josh narins said...

Most underreported campaign promise of Election 2000 goes to Dennis Kucinich...

"We will replace Crawford Texas' square dancing, tractor pulls and pork rinds with Cleveland's polka, bowling and kielbasa"