Boxed in, thrown out
I spent the night breaking down cardboard boxes from the chairs and my weirdly accumulated stash in the den. I put them out by the street for recycling and trash day tomorrow. I watered the lawn and fell asleep for two hours and forgot the sprinklers were on. I walked the dog. I ate a bowl of cereal for dinner at 10pm. I called my mom, who's out of town at a conference. I ordered a bunch of new perfume oils on Ebay.
And I worried that tomorrow the bell is gonna toll for me at work, because I've had a nasty feeling about it. Not like I don't do these things to myself, however unintentional or unplanned. I'm not good at clocks. I am good with working on and finishing projects, meeting deadlines and giving a shit about the work I do. I have no idea about tomorrow. It's Friday, and that's the day employers like to fire. I'll be looking for an empty box under my cube when I get there in the morning….
I looked in the mirror tonite. I am so stressed out by the job, by the dog who is at his wit's end with being inside now after all those wonderful summer nights spent at the dog park. He's restless, I'm worried about my job and what I'll do if I lose it and I'm feeling very alone and sort of depressed but in a weird kind of way... life is a box. I'm all taped in. Can't get out.