[De] [Con] Structive

WWII

The first major battle in my second war with Wendy's was fought yesterday. Megan Kennedy, Andrea Grant, and Mike Lilly backed me up as we took on the manager of the Wendy's on the corner of Pensacola and Ocala [map].

You see, it all began a couple of weeks ago when I was ordering at the "pick-up window." I noticed the line, "Double the Beef just add 89¢" [see image below]. Though I am not as well versed in the technicalities of English grammar as I would like to be (or as I have led some to believe), I do know that "double the beef" means no more and no less than twice as much beef. It was clear that if I bought a Classic Single and choose to double the beef for a mere 89 cents, I would have two patties.

But what about invoking the "double the beef" offer for the Classic Triple? The pricing scheme would indicate that what they meant was not actually doubling the meat, but rather just adding one more meat square. The problem is, it clearly states "double."

Initially, the plan was to enter the restaurant and battle inside, but the priceboard inside lacked the "double the beef" offer, so we hopped back in our car and hit the drive-through line. I ordered a Biggie fry, a Triple stack, and then I asserted that I would like to "double the beef by adding just 89 cents."

They called me up to the window to clarify. "You want two triples or six all in one sandwich?" I explained that I would like six, all stacked up together in a single sandwich. The total was more than $8. "How is it $8?" I inquired. She explained to me that each extra patty was $.89. Then I explained to her the concept of doubling. I showed her on my calculator watch. I explained to her that the sign says "double the beef" and that giving me only one extra patty for 89 cents is less doubling and more multiplying by 4/3. I even used quarters stacked in a pile of three to illustrate how adding only one more patty was certainly not doubling anything at all.

It took about half an hour of blocking up the drive-through and explaining what "double" means before the manager finally relented: She told me that if I could prove that I was capable of taking a bite out of a six-stack, she would double my beef for just 89¢. I took that bite, which was certainly the hottest thing I've ever consumed. It burned my entire mouth, but if I spit it out and gave up now, I would have lost all my dignity. So, I just kept chewing through the pain, sort of like Curt Schilling in Game 2.

Click on the "Read more!" link below to view a cam-phone picture of Ryan manfully biting into the six-stack and chewing through the pain.




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